Reign Report: “The Lamb and the Slaughter”

Last night, literally everything that could possibly happen on an episode of Reign happened. Over at the AV Club, I ding it for being overstuffed, even though I give it points for trying to have an episode overtly about women negotiating relationships based on limited choices, even if it ended with Narcisse standing over the body of his wife and confiding in Lola, who I swear has gotten more romantic bounce-around than literally anyone else on this show.

It was also a christening, which meant a parade of costumes, the best of which was without a doubt Mary’s red gown, worn here as she and Lola make up after their fight, but definitely highlighting exactly what their power differential is, and the reason this fight will come up again.

So many costumes in one episode would normally would make me very excited except that there was so much else going on I could hardly concentrate.

This butter baby, for example, which was so amazing that they devoted a whole beat to Bash just staring at it, and Francis trying very hard not to stare at it at all.

Also, if we’re being honest, I give the dance scenes a pass because the dance extras are always trying incredibly hard, and poor Celina Sinden got stuck with the longest and most complicated choreography any of the mains have had yet, but I had to stop and go back because I was laughing so hard the first time. This is the best dance scene in the world, because for the majority of it, no two couples are doing the same thing.

In this one he’s about to lift her. Look at the people behind him! Literally none of them are even ready to start thinking about a lift! You call this a christening?

Also at the party, with dance-floor-related concerns: Catherine, who – since Narcisse showed up with a bride on his arm – is looking for someone new to sexually ruin, I guess. Anybody will do. Louis Conde, the new guy they’re trying to make happen?

Sure? Why not?

Look at his face. He is not ready. He is miles from ready. (Just wait for Narcisse, Cathy. His bride will be dead by the end of the episode.)

Also introduced and dismissed in a single episode: Mary’s pregnancy, which is announced and ends within about ten minutes, which is awfully quick even for this show. I’m convinced it mostly exists to give Catherine a scene of being blissfully happy and interrupting the couple the INSTANT they’re done sexing to give her congratulations and advice, which means she was waiting just outside the door, because Catherine.

Megan Follows is a gift.

Th other thing that happened this week that seemed terribly fast and also confusing, but that I was much more interested in than the pregnancy, is that Greer rode to Castleroy’s house to settle where their relationship stands, and when he tells her he’s decided he wants passion, she’s like, “Well GUESS WHAT” and drops her dress in a single motion, which thanks to my college friend Andrew I always associate with a “Bloop” sound effect.

*bloop*

I guess they must have been planning something like this ever since they turned Castleroy from a muttonchopped punchline to a grizzled angstball, but I am still a little surprised it happened. I was surprised he survived the plague, frankly! I would definitely rather he died of plague than turn into a resentful asshole, though; they can keep that subplot if it comes back.

And just because it’s Halloween and there wasn’t enough Catherine this week, we’ll close with Catherine seeing ghosts and being totally practical about it: they need the sage broken so they can escape, and she walks right up and does it.