Red Carpet Rundown: The Grammys
Red carpet season is skidding to its conclusion soon! In the meantime (and until I get a replacement working Rome DVD from Netflix for Channel Flip, and write up my feelings on The Hour being cancelled using only pictures of me crying, and also that novel I should be working on nobody even talk about it), the show must go on!
I don’t usually cover the Grammys. but after the best Standard and Practice email of all time, governing the coverage of the female form, I had to check in. And as it turns out, it was quick work, because there were pretty much only two divisions at the Grammys: those who looked at that memo and said, “Okay, sure, I’ll manage,” and those who looked at that memo and slowly lit it on fire as they laughed and laughed, and then called their stylists and said in Supervillain Voice, “They think they can tell me how much boob is too much? Well, I haven’t even BEGUN to boob.”
Let’s break this down.
Beyonce, who I would have expected to be on the forefront of this whole thing, instead opting for one of the actually-stylish pants outfits I was talking about at the BAFTAs; Katy Perry, “Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic.”
Kelly Rowland, pretty magnificently “Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic.”; Rihanna, “Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples.”
J. Lo, basically daring you to even think about saying something about anything, ever.
And Faith Hill, who technically isn’t showing much forbidden skin, but I’ll accept this as a “Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic.” You’re in!
I applaud everyone whose dress choices were influenced for the sheer by the CBS memo; I imagine them doing high-fives in the hotel lobby and snickering in their limos all the way over, just waiting to hit the carpet. “You can’t not take pictures of all of us! You’ll have to broadcast SOME OF US, CBS.”
And CBS kind of did, because everything else was a little underwhelming, both in attendance numbers and execution.
Taylor Swift, who wanted the best of both worlds, so her dress LOOKS like it might be exposing more than it should because she’s a Rebel, you guys, but actually this dress covers more than many casual sundresses do and so it doesn’t count and she will not be invited to sit at the Sideboob Lunch Table after all. (That said, I enjoy this dress on its own merits; rare is the jeweled T-strap that doesn’t look like a fancy seat belt, but this is one!)
Adele! Remember yesterday when we were talking about how some vintage (or vintage-inspired) looks just kind of remind you about why upholstery-chic was never a good look to begin with? Yeah. (She usually looks so good! I don’t know what happened. At least she clearly loves the dress.)
Number 12 Looks Just Like You, Carrie Underwood!
Karlie Kloss, who is a supermodel, which is weird, because you’d think that even if it had to be This Color (and it’s a nice color!), she would have had a few other dresses to choose from besides the Williamsburg Brooklyn Date Night Special.
Kimbra. Love it! Go for it! Full-ass one thing!
And Kat Dennings, who looks really lovely in this color and length, and is being a good sport about having to come out to an awards show that’s not in her wheelhouse just because her network is hosting. (She doesn’t even go here!)
Sartorially inspiring? Not particularly. Delightfully defiant of Standard and Practice? Absolutely. And really, that’s all I could have asked for.
More arrivals at Hollywood Life, from whence these pictures come.
