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The Catherine Cookson Experience: “The Rag Nymph”

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ragn13
Wow, that was kind of a long hiatus! (I made the last one in 1996, it looks like.) But I have my act together now, and the time has come for another Catherine Cookson Experience! Today’s is different from most of the others, because I genuinely love this one. It is a pulpy mess, and I enjoy every second of its cheesy glory. You will be able to tell this soon, but I thought I might as well warn you up front: this one is awesome, and I have the eight thousand photos to prove it! This is The Rag Nymph.     Vital Stats: Era: 1850s, looks like.Heroine: MillieSiblings that require looking-after: Well, initially Millie is the one who needs looking-after (when you were niiiiiiiine!).Illegitimate (Self or sibling): It’s like a Law and Order episode; it takes you almost until the end to find out, and by then you don’t even care.Asshole Father?: Oh, jeez. Every father in this thing is a total jerkbag.Romantic interest(s): Mr. Bingley, Paul Atreides. Tough call!Bairnsketballs: Nope.Fistfights: Somebody knifes a pimp.… Read more »

Oscars Red Carpet Report

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kstewface
So, last night was the Oscars, that gleaming bastion of class and merit, where they will give a woman an Oscar for directing the best film of the year and then play “I am Woman” before throwing to commercial. In keeping with this grand tradition, Hollywood takes the opportunity to go all-out, lining up for the fashion police in a glittery, flawless parade. I am kidding. It was a disaster. This face says it all: And when Kristin Stewart speaks for all of us, you know something is wrong. It’s a sad, sad day.… Read more »

Golden Globes 2010: Red Carpet Rundown!

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dianekrugergg
So, two things about this year’s Golden Globes: 1. The wrong people won a lot of important awards.2. It rained. That second thing disrupted the event in a way that the horrible results seemed not to, which means that people were running through the drizzle with the sort of look generally reserved for the otters you see in the oil-spill commercials. Style this year was largely related to how nonchalantly you could hold an umbrella. We’ll get to that. “It’s dial-up madness in here!”… Read more »

The Catherine Cookson Experience: “The Gambling Man”

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Briefly, for newcomers: Catherine Cookson wrote some hysterically funny romance-y novels back in the day. For some reason, from about 1994 through 1998, the BBC went CRAZY for them and adapted about a hundred and eighty of them into miniseries. From time to time, I like to recap them, because they’re hilarious. You can find a primer here, or catch up with them here. This week, I run you through The Gambling Man, starring Robson Green. Here’s the thing, for those of you not familiar with British TV: of COURSE this is starring Robson Green. EVERYTHING stars Robson Green. British TV is purposely scheduled so that something with Robson Green in it is airing 24/7, in case aliens are monitoring broadcasts for someone who looks very serious and capable with whom they can make first contact. He got his own show about extreme fishing. If you investigate the history of England, there are cave paintings of Robson Green. Next year they’re putting him on the five-pound note. There’s no rhyme or reason to it; there’s… Read more »

The Catherine Cookson Experience: “Tilly Trotter”

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Welcome back to the Catherine Cookson Experience! This week we get to Tilly Trotter, in which the lead actress can actually act, the lead actor can actually act, and they have chemistry, which automatically makes this better than most Cooksons. Unfortunately, the entire first half is “Some guy assaults Tilly,” which is tedious and gets to the point where it seems more absurd than anything. We’ll get there. Tilly’s just thrilled about it. Vital Stats: Era: 18mumbletymumbleHeroine: Tilly TrotterSiblings that require looking-after: None, but she keeps inheriting families full of people who want to marry her.Illegitimate (Self or sibling): Nope!Asshole Father?: Nope, just the village rapist.Romantic interest(s): Farmer Simon, Lord Mark. She gets about 800 other proposals from interested parties, though.Bairnsketballs: Not one! Can you believe it?!Fistfights: Three…ish.Assaults: Oh lord, the first HOUR is just nothing but poorly-planned assault attempts. “I’ve told you before, if it’s down to you and the pig, I’ll take the pig!”… Read more »
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