Menu

Pageants

Miss Universe 2015

, ,

missuniverse2015header
You know, 2015 has been deeply questionable in innumerable ways, but one thing it has undeniably brought us is two Miss Universe contests in one year. We have seriously lucked out, getting TWO National Costume events at a pageant that has only this year escaped from under the repulsive thumb of Donald Trump and into the hands of corporate overlords who aren’t famous enough yet for us to know how repulsive they are. (Whoever is in charge now, they made the contestants do chicken noises as part of the many-languages gags they run as filler in many charming Vegas locales. The contestants looked incredulous that somehow punishing diets and instant choreography and learning the sort of pageant regulations that led an announcer of the pageant to point out that Indonesia walks too fast and will get penalized were not enough to worry about; they also had to make chicken noises. This pageant, everyone.) I won’t talk much here about the pageant itself (which, this greatness aside, is your standard Awkward Swimsuit Dressage Parade followed by… Read more »

Miss Universe 2014

, , ,

Miss-Universe-thai_3173198k thailand
Last night the Miss Universe pageant, which is technically Miss Universe 2014 but dithered until it became simply the 63rd Annual, began with the National Costume Contest. About six weeks from now, my latest novel, PERSONA, hits shelves. Persona is a political thriller (diplomats, assassinations, the usual), but of course one of the most fascinating aspects of statecraft is the ways it asks you to set aside your identity for something else’s sake; often you don’t get to decide, and maybe you don’t even realize until later what exactly is gone. Tomorrow I’ll show you the promo cards for Persona and talk a bit about the swimsuit competition of this contest. But for tonight, the celebrity aspect that gets folded into Persona’s slightly sidelong world is partially influenced by behind-the-scenes glimpses of pageants like this one. Miss Universe doesn’t get as much traction in the States as you might think, but it’s gaining, and it’s already a major event elsewhere, with all the weight that goes with it. (The Guardian talks today about a selfie… Read more »

Miss Universe 2013

, ,

argentina2013main
Miss Universe is back! It’s time for everyone involved to pretend this is a contest about various national costumes for thirty seconds until we all just admit it’s a tacky-off and settle in for a global backscatter of spangles. After a while tracking this particular costume competition event, you start to feel the general shape of it: the undersea themers, the feather-wearers, those few brave souls who didn’t understand the memo and actually showed up in a national costume, and my secret favorites, the ones who didn’t get a memo of any kind and started their costumes the night before, and the ones who are also completely over this component and make it deliciously clear. But every year, of course, the categories are always changing, from Nonsense Capes to You Have to Be Kidding Me to some new ones emerging only this year. All of them are amazing. What, this old thing? Miss Argentina was just playing it casual this year, she didn’t even know there would be cameras, this is so embarrassing. SPECTACLE DIVISION… Read more »

Miss Universe 2012

, ,

singapore_zps33fef2da
Every year, there are eleventy billion beauty pageants worldwide, all of which are amazing and unsettling in their own special ways. However, for sheer Essence of Pageant, I’m not sure you can beat the National Costume segment of Miss Universe. I’ve enjoyed writing some of these costumes up for the past three years – in fact, I have probably enjoyed seeing them much more than many of these contestants have enjoyed wearing them. And this year was no exception! Aside from the usual cadre of ladies who seem to have forgotten about the assignment until the morning of the parade (parade? contest? thing the pageant does just to make me happy?), and the perennial getups that are there are always yearly trends, like 2009’s Wide World of Foliage, or 2010’s Nonsense Capes, resurrected a little this year in what I’m sure is an amazing homage if you are in the loop on pageant stuff. “CLASSIC retro Nonsense Cape,” pageant people say back and forth very seriously. What are this year’s trends? Let’s take a journey.… Read more »

Miss Universe 2011

, , ,

missuniverseromania
Miss Universe! Yes, it’s that time again, when hopeful young ladies gather from all around the world to grin their beautiful hostage grins into the camera, and to be dressed like fools in “National Dress” by horrible pageant planners secretly trying to test what young ladies are willing to wear on camera. That answer came back: Practically anything. I have tried to look at this and understand what happened. In the past, this category has been spectacularly awesome (Thailand!) or hilariously fun (the national costume of Iceland is dignity!). This year is what I can only term a Hot Mess, with Intermittent Laughter. This year also seems to be the year that the always-fantastical undercurrent of this whole glittery mess went from subtext to text: Tanzania, auditioning for a role in the inevitable Metropolis remake, and/or putting mortal fear into her enemy contestants. Either way, SUCCESS. However, she had some serious competition in the Science Fiction and Fantasy category. Under this cut, a bajillion pictures.… Read more »

Miss Universe 2010

, ,

missuniverseangola
Last year I covered Miss Universe’s National Costume Contest. I didn’t realize when this year’s was, but it was pointed out that pictures were out and I had better get started. I’m not sure who the actual winner of this event is (I think that doesn’t happen until Monday?). Since I have a different criteria than the judges of the pageant – they enjoy “bras that look like eyeballs” and I enjoy “Icelandic schoolmarm” – I wasn’t sure exactly how to go about picking a winner of my own. I looked for overwhelming trends this year (including Nonsense Capes, Escape from Prom Island, I Was a Project Runway Challenge, and Shit You Have to Carry), but I finally stumbled across a picture that made me realize the difference between perception of these national costumes and their reality. This is Japan’s national costume.   First of all, and I mean this: way to improve over last year, everyone. Sure, it’s completely over the top, but this is Miss Universe, not the Parade of Dignity, so whatever. And… Read more »
1 2