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Oscars Red Carpet Report

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kstewface
So, last night was the Oscars, that gleaming bastion of class and merit, where they will give a woman an Oscar for directing the best film of the year and then play “I am Woman” before throwing to commercial. In keeping with this grand tradition, Hollywood takes the opportunity to go all-out, lining up for the fashion police in a glittery, flawless parade. I am kidding. It was a disaster. This face says it all: And when Kristin Stewart speaks for all of us, you know something is wrong. It’s a sad, sad day.… Read more »

Golden Globes 2010: Red Carpet Rundown!

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dianekrugergg
So, two things about this year’s Golden Globes: 1. The wrong people won a lot of important awards.2. It rained. That second thing disrupted the event in a way that the horrible results seemed not to, which means that people were running through the drizzle with the sort of look generally reserved for the otters you see in the oil-spill commercials. Style this year was largely related to how nonchalantly you could hold an umbrella. We’ll get to that. “It’s dial-up madness in here!”… Read more »

Miss Universe: The recap.

missuniversefaces
Miss Universe is a beauty pageant that’s about more than just beauty. It’s a tribute to international cooperation. It’s a tribute to modern sensibilities. It’s a tribute to Hostage Face. “Come watch the dreams of dozens get mercilessly crushed!”… Read more »

Miss Universe: National Costume Contest

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National_Costume_Panama
The best thing in the entire world has happened: the annual Miss Universe National Costume Contest. Every country took a different approach; most of them failed miserably, providing endless joy for yours truly! A photo essay is below, though in case you’re thinking, “Is this a little tasteless for my browsing pleasure?”, please know that this is the outfit that WON. If you looked at that picture and thought, “That’s just what I wore to my prom!”, you will LOVE this competition. This is in no way safe for dial-up, or for your sense of a just and rational universe. Weirdly, the Muppet thing is one of the least hysterical ones.… Read more »

The Catherine Cookson Experience: The Girl

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girl5
So, after last week’s happy-go-lucky tale of nice girls with the memory capacity of a goldfish, we get into the gritty reality of what life was like for the ladies of the 1850s. (Answer: sucky.) Behold, The Girl! Note: There are Cooksons worse than this, but few Cooksons duller. We will be skipping over large portions of repetitive, depressing malarkey. The point Cookson is trying to make: sucks to be a lady in the 1850s who had to make a good marriage Or Else. Point we take away from it: sucks double to be a lady whose only options are your rapey husband or that dude down the street who gets drunk and insults you. (Also, you fall in love with the second guy, which means in this scenario you probably have a concussion. I’m sorry to hear that.) Era: 1850 Heroine: Hannah Boyle, the young illegitimate daughter of gentleman Mr. Thornton. OR IS SHE? Siblings that require looking-after: She has three half-siblings who mostly suck, but in case she’s the one that requires looking… Read more »
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