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The list of celebrities who had their pictures stolen numbers over seventy-five. Some of them aren’t even capitalized; not names, really. They’re just folders where the prizes go. Jennifer Lawrence is on the list. Perez Hilton posted those, for those who might otherwise have had trouble finding them fast enough. The question went out quick on its heels: Is her career over? * Being a woman with any degree of public life in the age of social media is to be constantly sandblasted; you know the sand was always there, but the sheer force and volume with which it hits you isn’t something you can ever get used to. You have to brace yourself to turn on your computer; stepping out your door becomes a thing you have to armor against. Many of them are such small things, but there are so, so many, and there are always more. It’s suggested, often, that women develop thicker skins; before that can happen, of course, the sandblasting would have to stop. * This week, Anita Sarkeesian put… Read more »

It’s taken me three days to write this. Last week, I posted Dealing With It. There’s been a lot of response, both public and private. I don’t usually write personal essays; I was staggered. I’ve seen people express curiosity about its reception. With good reason; historically, women who speak up are in line for varying levels of vitriol, and this one achieved enough visibility outside my usual readership that people who know how the internet works were probably bracing a little for impact. I was. So far, the response has been largely positive. There’s backlash, but nothing of grave concern has landed on my doorstep. This makes me an anomaly. I’m grateful. Partly, though, that’s because it’s easy for people who dismiss this kind of commentary to ignore it. A post about issues that don’t affect them from someone a rung down the ladder, is not something they have to deal with. It’s not even background noise to take seriously. For a man, a list of grievances from a woman makes him a passerby. He… Read more »

[Note: This essay speaks largely to my personal experience as a white cisgender woman. I don’t wish to speak for the experiences of others here; I invite your experiences in comments.] [Trigger warning for quotations encouraging sexual assault and racist quotations.] I’m in ninth grade. I’m new to my school. I’m nervous about where to sit in the cafeteria, about what I’m wearing; my new school is bigger than my old one by some multiplier I’m not even sure of. Numbers transpose in my head something awful. I’m maybe most nervous about math class. I’m assigned a seat next to the wall in a row of three, with a boy on the outside aisle and an empty seat in between us. By now, I’ve already gotten enough shit from boys and men to suspect why the empty seat is there. I’m right. Starts with spitballs. (“Cut that shit out.”) Then slurs. (I ‘ve just turned fourteen; I have no ready response to the things he outlines should happen to my c***. I manage, “Drop dead.”)… Read more »

Nearly two months ago, I went public about harassment I experienced at Readercon. Things happened. The outcome was positive. For this and other reasons, I still think it is crucial to report, if you feel safe doing so, because most harassers are serial, and reporting them is vital to making sure the behavior is named and stopped. However, for those thinking of going public with their own experiences with con harassment, I want to talk about how it looks nearly two months on. Because it’s still going, two months on. 1. Even if it’s easy to decide to report (it isn’t) and even if the people around you are supportive (they were), and even if the organization takes it seriously (they didn’t, and then they did), and even if the community is supportive (the initial outpouring was amazingly supportive; the encroaching of naysaying is…unsurprising), you will spend an untold amount of time dealing with fallout. 2. The fallout may not be, but will certainly seem like, a Kafka novel. There will be creeps in comments.… Read more »

A little while ago, Readercon posted a public statement. It follows closely the petition circulated by Veronica Schanoes, signed by 430+ people concerned that the con they’d attended or hoped to attend had demonstrated willful dismissal of published policy and, in doing so, implied that making the con a safe space was a secondary – or null – concern. In the public statement, the concom bans Walling for life, apologizes to those they have wronged (a list that, quite rightly, includes far more people than Kate Kligman and myself), and outlines plans for improvement, with harassment training, a safety committee, and safeguards against conflicts of interest. The Board has resigned; a temporary Board will be put in place until elections can be held. Notably, while this does not erase the initial, unacceptable decision, it doesn’t try. It presents straightforward apologies, reasonable goals, an emphasis on transparency, and overall, implies that qualified people will be guiding the con going forward. I look forward to further developments here. * I have experienced a lot of things these… Read more »